Signs of the Times

It's not too hard to recognize a broken bone. I once broke my collarbone and didn't realize it for an entire day. But I knew something wasn't quite right shoulder-wise. The problem with recognizing an episode of mania is that the brain is broken. It is real hard to detect a broken brain using that very same brain itself to do the detecting, but it can be done.

After a couple of episodes it is possible to remember the thought patterns that characterize the onset of mania. They are quite different from one's normal patterns of thought. One typically has a couple of days, sometimes longer, during the onset of a manic episode with which to recognize it and take action. After these first few days the episode is too far advanced, one's thought processes too muddled, one's grip on reality too slender to take effective action oneself. Beyond the first few days you'll just have to hope the men in white coats turn up in time.

One of my major indicators is that the lyrics of my favorite rock music begin to speak to me, and about me, directly. I will begin collecting or listing rock songs that have hidden meaning regarding the experiences I am just beginning to enter. I will begin to "understand" this hidden meaning. Now you'd think this behavior would be pretty easy to detect. However, by this time your brain is somewhat addled, you are flooded with feelings of euphoria, and the ideas always present themselves as the "real thing" this time. Remembering that this thought pattern has occurred before, and that it was not real then, is just sufficient to inject enough doubt to raise an alarm. This one is a red alert.

Another favorite of mine is religious mania. It generally manifests itself in reading the bible. And, surprise, surprise! the words of scripture begin to speak to me, and about me, directly. I am no longer normally actively religious so this one is a lot easier to spot these days — another red alert.

Disturbed sleep patterns are a good indicator. If I find myself waking up bright and alert early in the morning and raring to go on some project or another it is time to reach for the medicine cabinet. My normal waking pattern is groggy and grumpy and requires two alarm clocks.

The desire to stop taking the tablets is a major indicator. If you find yourself flushing your supply of medication down the toilet — declare a red alert. It's a dead give-away.

I have an ex-US Air Force flying suit I bought once during a manic episode. I tend to like to wear it when an episode takes hold. I suppose it projects the way I feel about myself at such times. I never wear it at other times (well, Halloween maybe). A number of my friends recognize it now, which helps detect an episode. Another red alert.

At the beginning of a manic episode I will be much more outgoing than is normal for me. I will have a greatly increased desire to be with people. Other signs that are fairly easy to notice include an increased desire to spend money, reduced need for sleep, and an increased appetite. These are less certain indicators because they can also occur during normal periods. However, they are sufficient to cause a yellow alert and reference to the emergency pill drill.